On the evening of November 19th, 2010, my then partner and I were joined in marriage in a ceremony in a little park about a block off of the National Mall in Washington D.C.

Happy 1st wedding anniversary to us!

Our road to marriage was not a straight one – no pun intended. We originally had a very nice ceremony in Connecticut planned for late May of 2010. The exact location was going to be weather dependent but, other than that, all the plans were in place and all the paperwork was done. Vacation days were set with our employers. The minister had her deposit, we had non-refundable plane tickets (you can see where this is going), the hotel was booked, the rental car was booked, dinner plans and plans for a cake had been tentatively made, we were writing our own vows…the list goes on and on. If you’ve ever planned a wedding you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever planned one that you were traveling for, then you doubly understand what we were going through.

Our world came crashing down around us in late March of 2010 when my wife’s dad was diagnosed to be in the late stages of cancer. He began a quick spiral toward his ultimate – and very early (he was 52) – death. No one really saw it coming. We held unto our plans, at my wife’s insistence, until about two weeks before the scheduled date, because she was hoping, I think, for a miracle. It wasn’t to be.

My wife was extremely close to her dad. I wanted her to have as much time with him as she could. At the two weeks to go mark, seeing his rapid decline, I postponed with a very understanding minister, cancelled everything that could be canceled and notified the airline. Our tickets were good for a year from the original date of purchase with a “change fee” that nearly equaled the cost of the tickets.

He lost his short battle just over a week to the day after our wedding had been scheduled. One of the last things he said to his daughter in a one of his very few lucid moments was that he was sorry she hadn’t gotten married. Understandably though, for a time after his death, she lost interest in even thinking about re-planning our wedding. The summer after his death was a long struggle for my mother-in-law and, perhaps as much so, for my wife. Quite frankly, our relationship struggled mightily. The marriage which he, and only he on her side of the family, endorsed looked like it probably wasn’t going to happen at all.

As summer turned into fall, life became a little more normal for us. We had our ups and downs but we were starting to settle back into a more normal pace with more typical ebbs and flows. My wife surprised me in mid October by saying, “Let’s get married November 20th”. She had a three day weekend then due to the set up of her work schedule. I scrambled to try and sort everything out. The flight situation was a nightmare, the minister wasn’t available that day or any of the days surrounding it. The days the minister was available were days that we could not possibly be in Connecticut as neither of us had any vacation time left to spare after using so many days surrounding the death of her dad. Other ministers that were suggested had no availability.

I went to my wonderful wife and I told her, this just isn’t going to happen in November. We can’t coordinate dates that will work for everybody. My wife looked me in the eye and told me on the spot that we were getting married in November and that she didn’t care where we got married as long as we did.

D.C. is only seven hours or so of a drive from central Ohio. That said, D.C. does have a three day waiting period between applying for a marriage license and receiving one (traditional or same sex marriage inclusive). The District though will waive the need to see the petitioners if a licensed, recognized agent is commissioned on their behalf. Thus we began our search for an officiant who would submit our application in person for us, collect it three days later, marry us and then submit our certified license. Enter the Reverend Tiffany Newman! Tiffany had no availability for Saturday the 20th but she was available on Friday, the 19th. We jumped for it. Tiffany did the rest.

Reverend Tiffany Newman and Her Husband

Our wedding was nothing like we planned. Our trip wasn’t either. Instead of 5 days in Connecticut at a leisurely pace, we had a whirlwind trip to Washington including a brief wedding ceremony. Our trip and all it entailed was completed over about 40 hours. But, no matter, we were MARRIED!

To say that the past year has been a honeymoon would be a lie. Plain and simple. It’s been a roller coaster of emotional and physical highs and lows. My beloved still misses her dad fiercely. The spring and early summer lead up to fair season last year was hard and hunting season last fall (which started just after our wedding) was harder still. We thought we were finally getting back to normal this summer but life pitched us yet another curve the day we were coming home from a week of 4H activities at the fair with the very sudden medical emergency of another very close family member. We’ve been dealing with the original situation from that and all of the considerable aftermath ever since. We keep saying “it can’t get any worse”, only to find out that yes, in fact, it can. “For better or for worse” has become my mantra!

I leave you with this thought and then I’m off to spend a day with my wife: If we can survive this, and keep finding love and support in each other, and we have, then any couple can make it. If you feel in your heart that you want to get married, get married. Don’t wait until it’s legal in your state. Go where it currently is legal. Don’t wait until DOMA is repealed and it’s legal everywhere. Get married now. Do it for yourself and for your partner. Show the world how much you love and support each other and that, “gay marriage” is marriage, period.