Women… so are we, to coin a popular catchphrase,
Born this way?
Apparently not, if a 2009 published study, Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire
Confused yet? Or, were you confused before by gender studies that say we’re born this way and others, actress Cynthia Nixon’s pronouncements not withstanding, that seem to say we choose to be gay or straight and still others who seem to be content playing for either team?
Dr. Diamond is a researcher who concentrates her studies in the fields of sexual development with an emphasis on female sexuality. She also studies both adolescent and adult attachment relationships. She has written and lectured extensively on both subjects.
The crux of her research? Well, as the title of her book suggests, sexuality for some women (insert Cynthia Nixon here) is neither heterosexual nor is it homosexual from birth. Too, it’s not necessarily bisexual. Rather, it is fluid and it changes over time for many women. She contends that a lot of what women experience with regards to changing sexuality is based on “love relationships”. Many of the late bloomer lesbian and bi women among us can relate to that thought. How many of us did not realize we were gay or bisexual until we fell deeply in love with a friend?
I’m raising my hand here, if you can’t see me! Seriously though, in my own case, I believe I’ve been gay all along and I just missed all the signs. My mother loves to say that hindsight is 20-20. If it hadn’t been for falling for that friend, I might still be in a loveless straight marriage wondering, “what’s wrong with me?”
The book description offers some more insight into Dr. Diamond’s book:
Is love “blind” when it comes to gender? For women, it just might be. This unsettling and original book offers a radical new understanding of the context-dependent nature of female sexuality. Lisa Diamond argues that for some women, love and desire are not rigidly heterosexual or homosexual but fluid, changing as women move through the stages of life, various social groups, and, most important, different love relationships.
This perspective clashes with traditional views of sexual orientation as a stable and fixed trait. But that view is based on research conducted almost entirely on men. Diamond is the first to study a large group of women over time. She has tracked one-hundred women for more than ten years as they have emerged from adolescence into adulthood. She summarizes their experiences and reviews research ranging from the psychology of love to the biology of sex differences. Sexual Fluidity offers moving first-person accounts of women falling in and out of love with men or women at different times in their lives. For some, gender becomes irrelevant: “I fall in love with the person, not the gender,” say some respondents.
Sexual Fluidity offers a new understanding of women’s sexuality–and of the central importance of love.
The bolded text above is my addition. I feel it’s an important point. Another thing that I’d like to point out, this is a research study, not a novel. You’ll encounter some statistical analysis here. I mention this not to talk down to my audience but to address other reviews you may see. I’ve read a few complaints that the book is “boring”. It’s not People magazine, it’s a study. I also read a couple of complaints that Dr. Diamonds research with these 100 women over 10 years proved nothing as most of the women were with men only or went back to men.
Hello? Were those second group of reviewers not paying attention? This is not about every woman but only some women for one and, secondly, if being with men, then with women and then returning to men is sexual fluidity then maybe I don’t understand the definition…
I got a lot out of this book. I did not find it to be boring in the least. If you’re looking for entertainment, smut, or a how to manual, you’ll be disappointed. If you’re interested in what shapes our sexuality as women, you’ll probably enjoy Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire
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