Reflections of a Loving Partner: Caregiving at the End of Life

Fiction Monday’s are fun but now it’s time to get back to real life.

I’ve never had either the honor nor the heartache of being someones end of life caregiver. That’s not to say that I’ve not witnessed first hand the care-giving process leading up to and ultimately ending in death. I’ve been through the terminal cancer deaths of both of my grandmothers and that of my wife’s father. It’s an involved, emotional, often stressful and often disheartening process for everyone involved.

In a gay relationship, the caregiver is often the only person left close to the dying patient, the life partner. Misunderstood by family, often frowned upon by society and having to deal with institutions where partners often have no recognized legal rights, care-giving becomes an even more difficult process.

There are a lot of resources out there in the form of information and hands-on help to assist the living to care for and cope with the dying. There is some information, but not nearly as much directed toward the LGBT community. Given the scourge that has been AIDS for gay men, it’s more than a little surprising that there’s still so little real information for queer associated care-givers.

About a year ago, in December of 2010, C. Andrew Martin’s book, Reflections of a Loving Partner: Caregiving at the End of Life was published by Quality of Life Publishing. The books description:

Reflections of a Loving Partner is the intimate story of two devoted partners confronting the challenges of a terminal diagnosis. Author C. Andrew Martin’s world was shattered when his life partner, Gil, was diagnosed with AIDS. This eloquent memoir shares their love story, unveiling the burdens and the joys of the caregiving journey. Andrew chose to become Gil’s caregiver. To prepare for what lay ahead, Andrew enrolled in hospice volunteer training, learning lessons to guide him through the medical, emotional, spiritual, and legal hazards of caregiving. Now a registered nurse and leader in the field of hospice and palliative care, Andrew has turned his personal experience into his life’s work, sharing with others the valuable lessons he learned. Andrew shows us that when we are open to its possibilities, the loving and selfless act of being a caregiver for someone who is at the end of life can teach us just as much about living as about dying.

This is both a memoir by Martin and a guidebook of sorts for family members. It’s an excellent and long overdue resource for the gay community but, at its core, the message here is applicable to any family and to any caregiver regardless of the relationship to the dying patient or the sexual orientation of any of the parties involved.