Coming Out as Gay or Lesbian – Top 8 Books

I’ve been out to my family and my friends for nearly 6 years. I’ve been out to most of my employers along the way but only one of them right up front (the church I work for part time now – go figure). Employers are a different nut to crack than family and friends. Regardless, none of the process was easy. As a woman who spent nearly 16 years in a straight marriage and who had a 10 year old child as a product of that marriage at the time of my divorce and initial coming out, it was pretty tough.

Coming out as gay or lesbian is never going to be perfectly easy. There is a lot of help out there though. Today, I’d like to present my top eight coming out book picks. These are a mix of books that focus on the person coming out, teens, the affected family, coming out at work and so on. Some of these were previously reviewed or recommended on this blog. I’ll try to note that and give the appropriate links where I can.

These are numbered for the sake of “counting” but they’re in no particular order:

1. The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World by Alan Downs. This is geared toward gay men. I previously reviewed it October 1st, 2011.

2. Queer: The Ultimate LGBT Guide for Teens by Kathy Belge (Dipstick of Lipstick and Dipstick fame) and Marke Bieschke. Illustrated by Christian Robinson. I previously reviewed it August 10th, 2011.

3. Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends and Coworkers by Michelangelo Signorile. I previously reviewed it May 31st, 2011.

4. The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition by Amity Buxton. From the publisher: An invaluable book incorporating the author’s seven years of research and interviews with hundreds of spouses with insights derived from her own teaching and counseling work. Contains stories and tactics for straight spouses and their families to constructively cope with a mate or family member who declares his/her homosexuality. Analyzes six key issues a straight spouse faces when a partner `comes out’ including damaged sexuality, threatened marital relationships, conflicting spouse/parent roles, devalued self-concept, destroyed integrity and shattered belief systems. PLEASE NOTE: This book deals with homosexuality, not bisexuality. It gets a lot of bad press from the straight spouses of bisexuals who still remain in traditional marriages.

5. Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way by Ron Jackson Suresha and Pete Chvany. I recommended this book in my August 17th, 2011 post covering my picks for the top books on bisexuality.

6. Coming Out, Coming In: Nurturing the Well-Being and Inclusion of Gay Youth in Mainstream Society by Linda Goldman. I previously reviewed this book on May 21st, 2011.

7. Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together by Robert A. Bernstein. From Booklist: Bernstein, father of a lesbian daughter, writes of parents’ pain and confusion when they learn their children are gay. He realistically describes the initial feelings of grief and disgust almost universal among such parents, who, after all, have always considered homosexuality to be wrong and alien. In specific chapters, he also addresses the experiences of growing up gay in a straight world, the movement toward gay rights, the fight by accepting parents for tolerance for their children, celebrities with gay children, and myths about homosexuality, and he offers a survival guide for parents who have just learned they have a gay child. Especially valuable is the chapter “Parents Speak Out,” which tells the personal stories of families who are incorporating gay children into their familial identity. Bernstein’s tone is personal, his advice is sound, and he gives much play to the support organization Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG). A valuable addition to psychological self-help collections. ~ Charles Harmon

8. DON’T SHOOT! I’m Coming Out ~ How to “Man-Up” and Set Heterosexuals “Straight” by Benn Setfrey. I previously reviewed this book October 20th, 2011.