I’m pretty lucky. I live in a bedroom community outside of a major metropolitan area, Columbus, Ohio. Columbus is, overall, an LGBT accepting community. Oh, it has it’s hardcore resisters and pockets of people with nothing but hate in their hearts but, really, life here as a lesbian in 2011 is pretty easy… Easy for me and for my wife, anyway.
Now, if you’ve been following this blog at all, you’ll remember that I have a teenage son whom I typically refer to as “The Boy”. The boy is a straight young man who is becoming more interested in teenage girls by the second…but he doesn’t venture out much because he’s on the shy side and many of the girls he comes into contact with, lean heavily toward drama and angst. Anyway, I digress.
Coming out to the boy was hard. He was all of about 10 years old at the time his dad and I divorced and that was hard for him to take by itself since we got along well and nothing, to him, appeared amiss. Once he learned the real reason we split up, he lived for a while in denial and then, ultimately, he felt shame and was embarrassed by my lifestyle.
With a lot of work by me, his dad, and over the last 3 years by my wonderful wife, he’s come completely around. He’s seen our long time neighbors not bat an eye at my “different” situation and heard his friends profess to not care one whit who I choose to be with. He’s even found a few classmates who are living in similar situations.
I’ve had a little help to help him from some great books. I just found today’s recommendation, Let’s Get the Straight: The Ultimate Handbook for Youth with LGBTQ Parents
My son has had more than 6 years to process the fact that I’m gay, 3 years to process my relationship with my wife, and a year to process our marriage. We live in an accepting area and he’s seen that. Family has been supportive and he’s seen that. He’s good with all of it. The book, at this point is not of much help to him. That said, it’s a great book, written in the voices of kids like him, that can be a major help for those whose children aren’t several years into the process of coming to terms with life with an LGBT parent.
The publisher’s book description:
Let’s Get This Straight reaches out to young people with one or more gay, lesbian, bi, or trans parents to provide them with the tools to combat homophobia, take pride in their alternative family structures, and speak out against injustice. This short but thorough book profiles forty-five diverse youth and young adults, all of whom voice their opinions and provide advice for other youth living in LGBTQ households. Let’s Get This Straight also includes probing questions, fun activities, engaging quizzes, and reflective journal sections for youth to share their feelings and experiences about having a gay parent. By reading this book, readers will learn how to: identify and overcome barriers to having a gay parent; address discrimination and heterosexism; build a strong self-esteem and sense of belonging; communicate effectively with their parents and individuals outside of the LGBTQ community; access resources and support for their families; respond effectively when challenged about being in a sexual minority family; and reduce the isolation, fear, shame, and confusion that can be associated with having gay parents. As the media brings ever-increasing exposure to gay-headed households, this book is more important than ever. Let’s Get This Straight is the perfect blend of wit, sharing of experiences, and “expert” advice that children with LGBTQ parents need to become more self-aware and affirming, and to maintain healthy relationships with their parents.
If you’ve recently come out to your kids, I recommend you give them this book. Better still, I recommend you go through this book together. I really believe it makes some important points that will assist your children to understand and, possibly, to accept what is happening with you and just how they (still) fit into the bigger picture of your life.
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