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Monthly archives for December, 2011

Secrets Of A Gay Marine Porn Star by Rich Merritt

Dec31
2011 Written by Shelly

I said a few weeks ago that I’d slow down with the biography and memoir type books and, for the most part, I have. I couldn’t resist presenting today’s book though. It’s a good one!

The military is near and dear to my heart. I’m retired Army with 22 years of service. During my military career, I had the opportunity to meet, interact and work with many soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines. The Marines especially, are both typically impressive and at the same time, often, an enigma. They’re often an unbelievable package of machismo, ego, bravado, heroism and intelligence. Yes, you read all of those things right.

Given my experiences with Marines, I was pretty hyped to read the 2005 autobiography, Secrets Of A Gay Marine Porn Star by Rich Merritt when I ran across it recently. I wasn’t disappointed! The gay – all while it was supposed to be a “secret” under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) – Marine did it all and he tells the story like any Marine tells any story. This is nearly 500 pages of in depth detail about his exploits. Overkill? You won’t think so if you know anything about the typical Marine mindset. Merritt may be gay, but he’s definitely a “typical” Marine in personality.

Merritt wasn’t always a Marine. He grew up in a conservative, religious family and lived a very sheltered life. He attended the ultra conservative Bob Jones University. After his time in the Corps, he attended law school and became a lawyer. That time in his life was also fraught with peril as he discovered the infamous gay circuit parties, drugs and alcohol. This is the story of his whole life and it’s quite an interesting one.

Posted in Biography, Books, Gay, Memoir, Nonfiction - Tagged , , ,

Friday Movie Review: Hannah Free Starring Sharon Gless

Dec30
2011 Written by Shelly

I’ll be traveling all day today. We’re going to spend the day with my folks in western PA since they didn’t get to see my son at Christmas. It’s a long drive to make round trip the same day but there’s not enough time to take more time than a day this time. When we get home tonight, I’ll be physically tired and ready to just “vegetate”. I decided to introduce my wife to a good romantic drama tonight starring an actress I know she likes, Sharon Gless.

The 2010 DVD release of the 2009 movie, Hannah Free is my vehicle of choice for relaxation tonight. It stars the previously mentioned Sharon Gless plus Maureen Gallagher and a few other lesser known but very competent actors. The film, directed by Wendy Jo Carlton, was adapted from a play by Claudia Allen.

I have an ulterior motive for choosing this movie. My wife is about 8 years younger than me. Both of us have hit middle age and I, of course, am significantly past it…unless I live to be 90! The “love story” between the two main characters, Hannah and Rachel, takes place over a lifetime and ends at the end of life as all good love stories do.

This isn’t a walk in the park though. Gless’ character Hannah, lives life as an out lesbian. Rachel lives the traditional life expected of a women who came of age in the time and place that she did but she always finds her way back to Hannah. As Rachel approaches the end of her life, Hannah struggles with not only the impending death of her lifelong love but with even simple access to her.

This is fiction…or is it? It sounds an awful lot like so much of what so many of us genuinely struggle with as lesbian couples today – our rights unrecognized by society and “well meaning” family members shielding their loved ones from those of us who have relationships with them they choose not to understand.

Depressing? Sad? Yes, it can be both of those things but it’s also poignant and uplifting. Give this one a chance to touch your heart.

Posted in Drama, Lesbian, Movies, Romance - Tagged , , , , ,

The Trials of Radclyffe Hall by Diana Souhami

Dec29
2011 Written by Shelly

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about the Real Trial of the author Oscar Wilde concerning the criminal trials he was subjected to in relation to crimes of “indecency towards men” he was charged with because of his homosexuality. That review got me to thinking about other authors who were persecuted for either their own sexuality or the sexuality of the characters they wrote about.

The name Radclyffe came to mind. Now, modern day femslash readers will readily identify with a prolific online writer who uses the pen name Radclyffe for her work. She actually, er, borrowed the name from a much more famous former owner, Radclyffe Hall.

Radclyffe Hall was a well known English writer in the late 1920s who, at first, rose slowly in public recognition but who then burst fully onto the public scene because of her 5th novel, The Well of Loneliness, which introduced the world to an openly lesbian main character. Though not an earth shattering event today, it was ground breaking at the time.

The book, published by Radclyffe herself in 1928 was banned for obscenity in England. It was only published in the U.S. after a very long court battle financed almost entirely out of Hall’s own pocket. Though dated with regards to the form of prose that Hall affects in her writing, the messages of family, and fitting in and homophobia still resound today.

Much has been made of the work of “Radclyffe Hall”. That was her pen name. She was born Marguerite Radclyffe Hall but dropped Marguerite, which she hated. In later life, she adopted and used the name “John” but…I digress. No one actually adequately “documented” Radclyffe herself until Diana Souhami did it in 1999 with her book, The Trials of Radclyffe Hall.

In Souhami’s book, we get an overview of Hall’s full life from birth to death. We see how she was raised, much as the main character in The Well of Loneliness was. She genuinely wrote what she knew when she wrote that book as Souhami’s book shows!

I loved this book about Radclyffe Hall by Diana Souhami. Others apparently agree.

Amazon’s review:

The best yet of Diana Souhami’s biographies, The Trials of Radclyffe Hall is an absorbing and irreverent account of Hall’s life and work, with emphasis on the stormy reception of The Well of Loneliness and Hall’s long relationship with the artist Una Troubridge, “a formidable acolyte, an indispensable servant, even if there was the grip of tentacles about her and the clink of chains.” –Regina Marler

And those of various reviewers for major British newspapers circa it’s publication in 1999:

‘Diana Souhami’s biography is fascinating and thorough. In style, substance, insight and wit it is by far the best thing anyone has written on the fateful life of Radclyffe Hall’ Jeanette Winterson, THE TIMES

‘So candid, so vivid, so tragicomic…outrageously entertaining’ Victoria Glendinning, DAILY TELEGRAPH

‘a fascinating account of a woman whose…novel became a landmark in the history of freedom of expression.’ OBSERVER

‘Diana Souhami has given us a gripping biography and a marvellous piece of social history.’ SUNDAY TELEGRAPH

‘Souhami’s sympathetic but not uncritical biography treats its colourful, self-dramatising cast of eccentrics, toffs and spiritualists with a pleasing measure of irony.’ SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY

So what that it was published 12 or so years ago? If you’ve read the Well of Loneliness, you  really owe it to yourself to read the story behind the story about the author that wrote it.

Posted in Biography, Books, History, Lesbian, Nonfiction - Tagged , ,

Squirrel Cage by Cindi Jones – A Mormon Male to Female Transition Story

Dec28
2011 Written by Shelly

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you’ve likely come to the realization that subject of religion, as it relates to the LGBT world, fascinates me. I’ve read many books on the topic, most from a gay Christian viewpoint or opposing a far right wing Christian viewpoint that aims to politically limit constitutional rights for LGBT people. I’ve read and reviewed books written by ministers in certain denominations but, for the most part, most of what I’ve reviewed did not single out the practices and preaching of any particular church other than my occasional habit to name churches that were more LGBT accepting than others in a general overview (see my Christmas Eve post for an example of that).

All that is about to change! Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past couple of years, you know that the Mormon Church and, specifically, the base of the Church in Utah, financed a very large portion of the successful Proposition 8 campaign to repeal same sex marriage in California. Many salvos have been fired at the Mormon church from celebrities, politicians, activists and everyday people like you and like me over this. Sadly, the Prop 8 campaign is just one thing, albiet the most visible one, in a string of Momon actions against LGBTs.

Today, I want to talk about one woman and her struggle for life and acceptance in the backdrop of the Mormon Church. The 2006 book by Cindi Jones, Squirrel Cage, details her transexualism and her transition from male to female with heavy emphasis on her life growing up as male in Salt Lake City, Utah, her struggle – as a “he” – to conform to what the church wanted, her attempts to do a mission as required by her faith and then to marry and live as required by the church and, to eventually be found out by the church and have it attempt to “cure” her. Yes, 2006. I’m sure if we dig still deeper, we’ll find a long, long history of Momon meddling in the lives of our LGBT brothers and sisters over their sexual orientation and their lives.

David, who would eventually – successfully – transition to Cindi, tells a sometimes harrowing tale made lighter by the use of his muse, which took the form of a squirrel who would advise him during the tumultuous times. Her story, including the imaginary squirrel muse, is all true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.

This is a great transition story. It’s also a great human story. Most who are transgender have a story to tell. Many went through hell with family, friends and employers as they discovered their true gender identity and progressed toward change. Not so many have suffered at the hands of the religious establishment as David turned Cindi has. That makes this a pretty unique read.

Posted in Biography, Books, Memoir, Nonfiction, Transgender - Tagged , , , ,

Bi America: Myths, Truths, And Struggles Of An Invisible Community

Dec27
2011 Written by Shelly

I’ve said before, I try to stay away from reviewing non-fiction books that are more than a couple of years old. Things change so much in relation to the lesbian and gay communities over the course of a few years that many books become dated quickly. Some books though, especially books addressing bisexuality and the issues that surround it, are not quite so dated even if they are a half dozen years old.

Some would say the “T” portion of LGBT, the transgender ,are the most misunderstood among us. I have to say that I respectfully disagree. True, it’s hard for those of us who are not transgender to understand those who are but, frankly, no one really disputes their queerness or their inclusion in the overall community. It’s not so simple for our bisexual brothers and sisters.

Less research is done on bisexuality as opposed to things that are hetero-normative or homosexual. As a result, older research and older publications are still vehicles that are of some use for learning about bisexuality. Today’s review of the book, Bi America: Myths, Truths, And Struggles Of An Invisible Community, by William Burleson is a 2005 publication that still has considerable relevance almost 7 years after publication.

The publisher’s description of this book is extensive. Here’s a telling excerpt:

There are at least five million bisexual people in America, generally invisible to straight society, the gay community, and even to each other. While the vast majority of these five million live within the straight or gay world, there are a few who have formed a community of their own. Bi America: Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community offers an inside look at the American bisexual community and gives an understanding of the special circumstances unique to being bisexual. The book takes the reader to bi community events from picnics, to conferences, to support groups, to performances in order to expose the everyday trials of the bisexual community…

and:

Get the answers to these questions in Bi America:

  • What is bisexuality?
  • Is there a bisexual community?
  • What is the culture of the bisexual community?
  • What are commonalities and differences between the experiences of bi men and bi women?
  • What is the special relationship between the bisexual and the transgender community?
  • How have bisexuals and the bi community been affected by HIV/AIDS?
  • What is the future of bisexual activism, if any?

There’s quite a bit here to discover. Do I agree with all of it? No. Does most of it make sense or strike a chord? Yes. This is a very useful reference for those trying to understand what really is the most misunderstood part of our community.

Posted in Bisexual, Books, Nonfiction, Sexuality - Tagged , , ,

Fiction Monday: High Dive by Cynthia Tyler

Dec26
2011 Written by Shelly

I’m back!

I do so apologize for the lack of review posts over the last several days. My gut feeling is though, judging by the traffic, most of you had better things to do anyway. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. Now, back to books!

Today, I chose the latest offering from lesbian author Cynthia Tyler, High Dive, published by CreateSpace in September of this year. Tyler lives in L.A. with her partner and, surprise, this book is set in L.A. and it’s based on a very L.A. premise. Teachers and writing coaches always say, “write what you know”. Tyler does and she does it very convincingly.

Here is the publishers book description:

What would you do if you lost a high-paying job, your lover, your home, and even your tricked-out status ride all at once? That’s exactly what happens to 29-year-old Sara Wing, player in the subprime mortgage lending industry, whose life is turned inside out in the space of forty-eight hours when the Southern California housing bubble bursts and she goes from a power position to pool cleaner. Along the way Sara meets and is challenged by a cast of characters from Los Angeles’ diverse community of haves and have-nots. Her experiences capture the invisible, ever-shifting boundary between hope and despair. Peppered with memorable personalities–gay street artists Ritchie and Henry, ill-tempered bad-asses Puff and Super Dave, and an older, wealthy widow who wants to “take care” of Sara–the novel is at once funny, realistic, and compassionate. There is depth and beauty to this contemporary tale of setbacks, self-discovery, and triumph, as Sara Wing, former moneymaker and current pool peon, begins painting a new life–and what a colorful life it is!

Here we have a true case of art imitating life. But, don’t think for a minute that this will be a boring or depressing read given the situation of the main character, Sara. This story is far from it. You get to follow Sara on her journey from “it’s all about me” to the self aware “this isn’t about me at all” in a fast (very fast) and fun romp through the other side of life in L.A., what I would term the “real” side for the vast majority of us.

If you read any other reviews of this book, you’ll see a couple of others panning this work for it’s pacing…i.e., a lot of the novel happens over the space of a day. Suspend your reality for a day while you read this. Or, if it helps you, ignore indications things happened on the same day. You’ll still enjoy the story.

I hadn’t read any of Cynthia Tyler’s work before. She has talent. I really liked this and I look forward to reading her other books.

Posted in Books, Fiction, Lesbian - Tagged , , ,

Merry Christmas – Enjoy the Day!

Dec25
2011 Written by Shelly

Merry Christmas all! I wish all of you a day filled with love and caring among family, or friends wherever you fill the most loved.

Being Sunday, many, many Churches will have at minimum their usual Sunday service today. Being Christmas, many will add services. If you need a place to go where you will be loved and accepted, please see my post for yesterday, December 24th. There, you’ll find links to the primary denominations that are accepting and welcoming for LGBT identified people.

Have a very happy holiday!

 

Posted in General Life Posts

Merry Christmas! You Don’t Have To Be Alone…

Dec24
2011 Written by Shelly

Merry Christmas to all my LGBT brothers and sisters. I wish all of you all the best this holiday season and for the coming year.

If you’re not spending the holiday with loved ones (or even if you are) and you’re a person of Christian faith, even if you’re “out of practice” or if you just don’t want to be alone for the holidays, I encourage you to find a house of worship where you’ll be accepted as part of the family and welcomed with open arms. Yes, they do exists!

In many communities there are United Church of Christ congregations that are “open and affirming”of the gay and lesbian community, Unitarian Universalist congregations and the all LGBT Metropolitan Community Church. Many Methodist churches will also welcome you heartily.

If you’re in central Ohio, join me and my church family tonight at 7:00pm for a special Christmas Eve service at St. Paul United Church of Christ on East Gates Street in Columbus. You’ll be very welcome there, just as I am. I’ll assist myself in seeing to that!

If you’re not in Columbus, check out these links for an accepting house of worship and a church family near you:

Find A UCC Church - United Church of Christ

Find a UU Church - Unitarian Universalist

Find a MCC Church - Metropolitan Community Church

Find a UM church  - United Methodist

 

Posted in General Life Posts

Christmas Dinner and Family Traditions

Dec23
2011 Written by Shelly

If you’re a vegetarian or a PETA supporter, stop reading here. The rest of this post may very well ruin your holiday.

Normally, I post a movie review on Friday morning.  I’ll get back to that next week. I had other stuff to do today. My wife is now on her night rotation at work. She works tonight, Saturday night and Sunday night. It’s a Christmas bummer but it means she’ll be off next weekend for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day. Trade-offs…

My ex-husband and I share custody of our son 50-50. I typically have him the weekends my wife is off and we usually do stuff as a family. Since she’s working this weekend, the boy is with his dad. Since he’s off school though, and his dad worked today, I got to spend the day with him. My wife got up early so we could have our holiday. We wanted to watch the boy open his gifts from us and then have Christmas dinner (a day or two early) together.

My wife was raised on a small family farm. Her dad, may he rest in peace, was known for miles around as the go to guy for hog roasts. Her family members are big pork fans. They have ham at every holiday including Thanksgiving (along with the turkey). That’s one of their family traditions. While I do eat pork, I’m more selective about which cuts and I’m really no great fan of ham. I’ll eat it if that’s what there is but I only “buy” it and “prepare” it for holidays.

I grew up in a family with strong Italian roots. We had spaghetti and fish on Christmas Eve at my grandparents house on my dads side. My mom would make a ham for Christmas Day but there was always tons of food. I could typically avoid eating ham without drawing any raised eyebrows!

My wife’s employer gives their employees something at each holiday. At Christmas they usually get, you guessed it, a ham plus a couple or three pound wheel of cheese. They did again this year.

Up until last week when she brought the ham home, my plan had been to roast “our” turkey for today. You see, being a farm family, all the kids in my wife’s family are very involved in 4H. As a result, my son also got involved. This past spring and for most of the summer, we raised turkeys in our suburban garage (yes, really) for him to show at the county fair. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know all about this. The bottom line is, out of 6, we lost one, sold one at fair and then had the remaining 4 processed. Of those, we gave one to my folks, sold 2 to coworkers of my wife and we kept one. The one we kept was a big old boy that had  a processed weight of nearly 28lbs.

Yes, you read that right, 28lbs. You see, 4H turkeys tend to get to live about a month longer than commercially raised turkeys. Fair buyers like bigger birds…even though most donate them rather than keep them. Fair turkeys are also fed show feed rather than scratch. This makes for large, meaty, juicy birds that end up costing far more to raise than what the 4Her earns at the fair. That’s why 4H families always keep at least one bird for themeselves – so they too can enjoy the fruits of their labor!

We ended up making the ham early in the week to have sandwich meat all week because I will occasionally eat ham that way (good bread or a roll, Swiss cheese and mustard really help the “flavor”). She was happy to have ham to “pick at” all week.

I roasted the bird for dinner today after all. The three of us sat down to a feast of just a fraction of the breast meat…from one side. It was the best turkey I’ve ever had…and that’s saying something since we had one my niece raised at Thanksgiving (along with ham). After dinner, my wife packed her lunch for tonight. Given all of that, I still picked nearly 8 lbs more of white and dark meat off the bird. We’ll have plenty of sandwhich meat for the weekend and plenty of meat for turkey noodle soup when winter finally comes to central Ohio. I think turkey at Christmas is a good tradition to start!

My wife asked if I would be taking our tree down this weekend. I all but told her she’s crazy. The tradition my family had when I was growing up was always to take it down New Years day if at all possible or the weekend after the New Year. I don’t know anyone that takes their tree down on Christmas Day…except my wife. She could not understand why I was upset when she did it last year and she can’t fathom why I would want to leave it up another whole week this year. Taking it down Christmas Day just seems so out of the holiday spirit to me. I guess we need to work out a compromise tradition. If your family puts up a tree, when do you take it down? I’d love your input!

We’re a “new” family. We haven’t established many of our own traditions yet. We bring similar family traditions into most holidays but they don’t all work for our newly blended family unit. I imagine this is the same for most couples whether gay or straight. But I think, as a lesbian couple, we also have some additional challenges. I’ve sought out references that address these differences in relation to the holidays. I haven’t found much. I guess that means I’ll just need to do the research and write something myself! Stay tuned and feel free to make suggestions.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

 

 

Posted in General Life Posts

Blogroll Additions

Dec22
2011 Written by Shelly

It has truly been a challenge to post reviews this week. In fact, it’s been a challenge to read books to review this week. It’s not because of any Christmas holiday rushing around on my part. It’s all the extra time spent at both my regular jobs, one for a church preparing for Christmas services, and one for a major performance auto parts retailer shipping tractor trailer loads of car parts for racing enthusiasts to find under their trees soon, around the world.

I do apologize for the absences, the short posts, the non-book posts. I’m thinking though that the situation is not likely to improve until after the holidays. Your patience is appreciated. In the meantime, I’ve had some great comments lately from other bloggers in the LGBT community and I’ve added some new links to my blog roll. You’ll find the “Blog Roll” just to the right if you scroll down this page a little.

I recently added Queeried and OutMaturity. I’m sure there are others I’m forgetting. Please give these blogs a visit. There’s some great community content at both that is well worth reading.

I’ll be back soon with more great reviews on the books and media that focus on our lives.

 

 

Posted in General Life Posts

100 Lesbians Walk Into A Bar: Real lesbians Real questions Real answers

Dec21
2011 Written by Shelly

I love the lesbian advice column “Emily Wilcox” (who is edited by/written Michelle Penny…this is never really explained…) does for Queeried.com, Ask the Expert. She tackles all of the hard issues and all of the need to know issues. I skip over there once a week to see what the issue of the week is this time.

Finally, she’s come out with a book. Though the title reads like the beginning of a joke, 100 Lesbians Walk Into A Bar…: Real lesbians. Real questions. Real answers, she’s – while often humorous – not a comedienne. She’s just a really good advice columnist from a gay (lesbian) point of view. Funny thing is, a lot of her advice could apply to any person, any relationship, any policy…you get the idea.

I ordered the book based on the reviews I’ve read. I admit that I have not read it yet. I ask though, how can you go wrong with a book by someone that eagerly look forward to hearing from each week anyway? I can’t wait for it to get here!

Posted in Books, Lesbian, Nonfiction, Romance, Self Help, Sexuality - Tagged , , , , , ,

Head Figure Head: The Search for the Hidden Life of Rick Perry

Dec20
2011 Written by Shelly

I’ve explained in the past that I’m not going to use this blog to get on a political soap box. I will express my opinion about things like “same sex” marriage (married to a woman and all for it), but, beyond the occasional issue opinion, I won’t talk politics and candidates. This is primarily a book blog and my focus is on books.

Given all of that, sometimes political candidates come along who are so diabolical, so oddly bent on the destruction of human rights, typically in the name of God (Michele Bachmann, for example) that I have to say something. Everyone in the LGBT community needs to say something. Texas Governor Rick Perry is another politician that makes me shudder and worry for my constitutional rights both present and future. He’s not quite as “out there” as Michele Bachmann but he’s certainly no Martin Luther King Jr. either.

Recently, because of typical campaign mudslinging (which I know we’re all, already tired of), I ran across insinuations that Rick Perry is gay or, at minimum, bisexual. Anyone who follows political machinations at all has likely seen some of the same press that I’ve seen.

Now, Perry perhaps being gay or bisexual isn’t earth shattering or even very newsworthy in most circles, even, lately, in political circles but it becomes so given his extreme right wing stance, with heavy religious influence, on civil/human rights issues especially in relation to the LGBT community.

Mud is mud. All mud when flung has the potential to do harm. Not wanting to spread baseless rumors, I sought out mainstream reporting that might shed some light on the is he/isn’t he question with Perry. There’s not a lot. No credible papers have picked up the thread and really run very far with it. That led me to believe that the snippets I’d heard and read where truly rumor and nothing more. Still, I did some more due diligence and I found this Kindle eBook by Glen Maxey:Head Figure Head: The Search for the Hidden Life of Rick Perry.

Mr. Maxey, now out of office, was the first openly gay elected member of the Texas Legislature. He is a very well known, well respected member of the LGBT community in Texas.

“On June 23, 2011 a national reporter called Glen Maxey, the first and only openly gay state legislator in the history of Texas. Rick Perry was making noises about running for president, and the reporter asked about rumors that Perry possibly may have had homosexual sex. Glen had heard the rumors before but never investigated them. Now curious, Glen sent out messages to his wide network of gay and political contacts. Within hours, he received astonishing information from multiple sources. For the next five months, Glen’s life was consumed with investigating the rumors and stories about Perry. Did Rick Perry have sex with men? Read this remarkable book and decide for yourself.”

That’s the product description for his self published book. Did I read it? Yes. I also read all of the 13 reviews it has received on Amazon as of this writing. Did I form an opinion based on what I read in Maxey’s book and from the other reviewers? Yes. Am I going to tell you what I think? I’ll say this, I feel that Governor Perry is a hypocrite and I’ll leave it at that. You can imagine my gut feelings on the issue, given that statement. Read the book and, I encourage you – read the reviews from others who are potentially in the know or in a position to know in Texas – and form your own opinion.

Posted in Books, Gay, Nonfiction, Politics - Tagged , ,
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