A Mother Speaks – Love Ellen by Betty DeGeneres

I enjoyed watching Ellen Degeneres’ sitcom back when it was running. I don’t get to see her talk show very often given my work and other obligations but when I do manage to catch it, it’s usually enjoyable. Some of my favorite moments have been when Ellen has had her mom, Betty, on the show.

Years ago, I used to watch Late Night with David Letterman. In later years, Dave would often have his mom, Dorothy, on his show. She would do “man on the street” style interviews and, occasionally, slightly more serious ones. She got her on camera start on the show when the network sent her to cover the 1994 Winter Olympics in Norway. That’s when I first saw her. Seeing Ellen’s mother on screen with her reminded me very much of watching Dave’s mother back in the day. They have similar chemistry.

Betty’s appearances on the show often sparkle with the normalcy of a typical mother/daughter relationship. It wasn’t always that way. As parents often are, Betty DeGeneres was more or less blindsided by Ellen’s gay admission to her in 1978. But, the fact of the matter is, among the family, Ellen still told Betty first. Her admission would remain a secret with them for some time and then within the family for some time. Ellen didn’t come out publicly until 1997.

It took Betty a while to come to terms with and accept her daughter as a lesbian. She experience a range of emotions from denial, through blaming herself and a host of other emotional waves before finally arriving at acceptance and support. Since Ellen’s public coming out, Betty has become an advocate, an activist and strong supporter of LGBT rights. She was the first non-gay spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). She’s also an active member of PFLAG (Parent’s, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

Just as Ellen has documented her life and her journey to her truth in print, Betty has documented her part in it from her point of view. Her first book, Love, Ellen : A Mother/Daughter Journey, written in 1998, remains a top seller. It documents Ellen coming out to her in 1978 and her journey to acceptance after that. It also touches on much of the firestorm of media attention after Ellen came out publicly on national television. More importantly, Betty DeGeneres addresses ways that other families can work toward acceptance of their gay children. This is less a book about Ellen DeGeneres and more a book about how a family comes to terms with and relearns to love and support a gay family member.

In her first book, Love Ellen, Betty invites readers to send in letters with their questions and stories. A second book, Just a Mom, penned in 2001 contains answers and practical advice in response to questions she received.