Nobody teaches children how to be heterosexuals. There are no lessons regarding how to present your sexuality when you’re straight. When you’re part of the heterosexual majority, your sexuality not only doesn’t define you, it never even enters into the conversation. If you’re not gay, you live your life as normally as normal can be. You work, play, eat, sleep and worry; all without ever having to take your sexuality into account and without worrying about who might be wondering about it or who might be offended by it.
I’m a wife, a mother, an employee, a co-worker, a friend and so much more. I run errands, I pay bills, I review homework, I cook meals…the list is endless. My life, in my eyes, is also as normal as normal can be. Oh, but wait, society tells me that I have one more label besides wife, mother, employee and so forth; lesbian. Because I’m not part of the heterosexual majority sexual orientation, I must also be defined and categorized and, often times, known by my sexual orientation. Why?
Because I’m defined socially by my sexual orientation – which differs from the norm – I’ve been chastised for it. Sometimes, I’m even shunned for it. I’m often disrespected or ignored because of it. I’ve heard people whisper as I passed, “Did you know she’s gay?” or “Did you hear she has a “wife“?” as if these are monstrous things. I’ve heard people tell their children not to talk to me. As a woman who is fairly straight in appearance, I hear these types of remarks on a pretty regular basis, especially when I’m outside of Columbus, Ohio which is a pretty outwardly accepting community. I can only begin to imagine what sorts of remarks and speculation an effeminate gay man must hear.
My sexual preference is only one small part of the overall picture of me. For what reason does it have to be society’s only definition of me? Why is it a cause to look down on me? Why does my failure to adhere to a heterosexual lifestyle make me inferior to someone who does adhere to one? What does my sexual preference have to do with my hire-ability and my ability to do a job well? Does being gay somehow mark me as intellectually inferior? I think not!
These are all valid questions. All of them are answered in the book, The Dance of Difference: The New Frontier of Sexual Orientation (Volume 1)
Ms. Fletcher’s book described:
“It is rare for heterosexuals to acknowledge, much less write about, their own homophobia. This black grandmother who grew up in the homophobic culture of Jamaica in the 40′s and 50′s offers a moving look into the challenges faced daily by people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) because of the learned biases, attitudes and behavior of heterosexuals. The author, a behavioral scientist, who migrated to the United States 30 years ago, shares examples from her early life experiences as well as examples from her long career as an organizational consultant in the United States and Europe. The centerpiece of the book is a spontaneous dialogue between the author and a gay pastor about the realities of life for members of the gay community. This is a standout element that sets the book apart. In a particularly valuable part of the book, the author describes common scenarios of heterosexual prejudice and bias towards LGBT people that will ring familiar with many readers. The responses she recommends will be useful in building relationships between members of the gay and heterosexual communities. Throughout, the author strikes a good balance between professional reserve and personal openness. She comes across as sincere, candid and open-minded. She effectively uses her own life experience to demonstrate that we are not born with inbred prejudice. Rather we learn our biases from the culture in which we are raised and from well-intended people in our families and communities. She emphasizes that as adults, we have the capacity to move from indifference, to compassion, to support for human rights. This book will appeal to a wide audience that includes organization consultants and managers who are concerned about diversity and inclusion, as well as to educators and parents who are preparing children for a world in which we value and respect each other regardless of our differences.”
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