If you’ve been following this blog for the past couple of months, you know that I’m a “late bloomer” by lesbian standards. I made it well into my 30′s thinking I was a straight woman. I was married to a man for nearly 16 years and we have a son together.
I’m now legally married to another woman. How did I get there? Let me just say, that it was a long and winding road. I had a close lesbian friend whom I had questioned about her lifestyle but even she, once I came out to her, was taken by surprise. I had fallen head over heels for another close friend, a very straight friend, and it was tearing me apart. My lesbian friend and her partner recommended extreme caution on my part, both because my love interest was most definitely straight and because I was married and very unsure whether I was actually gay or just experiencing a strong crush that was a one time thing.
I was fortunate to have good friends to stand by me while I figured it all out. I was also lucky to find a website dedicated to women in the same predicament as I was that had very active chat rooms where I could talk safely with other women about the situation we all found ourselves in (on researching this post, I found that the particular website is no longer available).
I ended up realizing that I really am gay. After a long talk with my husband, we agreed to split up and we did so very amicably. He really did make it easy for me. I was very fortunate. I moved on to dating. If you’re a lifelong lesbian or if you realized early on in your dating life that you were not straight, I envy you. While living an LGBT lifestyle is not easy, it’s infinitely harder when you’re looked on with suspicion - and sometimes even loathing – because you were previously in a straight marriage. In some circles, you’re an “untouchable”. I still find myself answering to doubts about my true sexuality or my commitment level to it from within the lesbian community and even from within my own home, from time to time.
There are a lot more resources for women in my former situation now then when I was going through it. For example, two excellent books are available now that I wish that I had then. They are Living Two Lives: Married to a Man and In Love with a Woman
Joanne Fleisher’s book begins by telling her personal story. It’s a story very similar to mine and to many other women like us. Fleisher later went on to write an advice column for women in a similar situations. She also shares some of these contacts by woman and her advice to them in the book. She goes on to help married women navigate through it all and decide what works for them.
The Walsh and Andre book takes an entirely different perspective on coming out stories from the typical. It focuses solely on 27 women who were formerly (or are still) in straight marriages who had a later in life epiphany of sorts when they fell in love with a woman. The stories are told by the women involved in their own voices. This sort of book has been done before but this, being a much more current writing, will resonate with a lot of women. It speaks to the sexual fluidity that women like us experienced in our lives.
AskJoanne is a fabulous resource on the Internet for questioning women.
This article achieved exactly what I watned it to achieve.